Overtired and Overwhelmed


I’m back from my trip to Springfield and the State Fair.  All in all, I probably walked twenty miles while I was gone.  My organization was part of a display for our state government’s booth.  Of course, we had to park about two miles away from the building where we would be working.  There was no way we could carry our display materials, so we made the half-hour jaunt and then begged someone for a golf cart to carry our stuff to the building.  It was inconsiderate and  half-assed planning by the state gov.  Ha!  Just what I was expecting.  Par for the course.

Maybe it was my bad attitude, but I just didn’t enjoy much of anything about the trip.  I wanted to be home.  Now that I’m home, I don’t want to be here very much, either.  I guess you could say that I am frustrated on all levels right now.  I’m being pulled in so many directions simultaneously.  No one thinks that I’m doing enough for them.  Everyone needs something from me.  No one is giving a damn thing back in return.

T was mad at me from the moment I got back home from this trip.  He had wanted me to drive back on Friday night.  That would have meant that I wouldn’t have gotten home until around 10:00 p.m., so I decided to stay the extra night and catch up on my sleep.  I knew that if I returned home Friday night, I would unpack, do laundry, straighten up the house, etc., and I would be worn out.  I went to bed early on Friday night (in my hotel room) and headed home on Saturday morning.  Guess what?  It was all waiting for me.  They all survived.  Still, he’s not happy with me for not doing things his way.

Today was spent on laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, changing sheets, and visiting my mother.  She’s not happy with me, either.  Other people have company everyday. Other people get to go out and do things with their family. Other people take their mother out for Sunday brunch.  Ugh….I wish I could be other people!  I need to be more than one person!  I reminded my mom that other people have more than ONE child to do things for them.  Other people’s children may not be trying to raise four kids and work full time.

One bit of good news, but it is overwhelming me at the present moment.  Andrew was accepted into the school in Chicago.  Now we have to find a place for him to live by September 1.  I’m so excited for him, but I have no idea how to begin looking for an apartment from 190 miles away.  I don’t know the first damn step to take.  I feel like a helpless hillbilly.  To top it all off, T isn’t being very helpful with this, either.  I will probably have to take some time off from work later this week and head to the city with Andrew.

Lola and Emily start back to school on Tuesday.  They have asked if I’m going to take the “first day” off work so I can take Lola to class and hear all about their days when they come home that afternoon.  Impossible, but I am going to try to sneak of couple of hours in the morning so that I can take Lola to Third Grade.

Luke wonders when I can take him shopping to buy what he needs to go back to school in Milwaukee.  He returns on August 26.  Wonder how he’s going to get back to school???

Tomorrow I have a board meeting.  Tuesday I  am speaking at Kiwanis during my lunch hour and at City Council in the evening.

I need a haircut.

I’m worn out and unhappy.  I wish I had a clone and the real me could crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head.



3 thoughts on “Overtired and Overwhelmed

  1. I understand, my dear. Has Andrew been looking for an apartment on his own? Craigslist? I wish I could help. Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs .

  2. No, he hasn’t looked on his own. He’s even more daunted by all of this than I am! Thankfully, a few kind acquaintances in the Chicago area have given me some good advice. Andy and I will be heading to Chicago later in the week to hopefully settle that matter.

  3. Hi Pam,
    I hope things look a little brighter this Monday morning and congratulations on Andrew’s acceptance to the school. That was wonderful news.

    Feeling overwhelmed is such an awful feeling because of the downward spiral aspect of it. You feel crummy and that adds to your stress and then you feel more crummy, and you are not sure how far down you are going to crash.

    My opinion on T’s feelings is not that he was angry because you did not do things his way. It is more elemental. When a husband loves his wife like T loves you, it truly is the case that when she is in bed next to him at night there is a certain deep “all is right with the world” feeling that he has, and when you aren’t there, it is a small hurt. When you need to be away for work he fully understands and is proud to hold down the fort and that small hurt is taken in stride and doesn’t bother him in the least.
    But, I know if my wife had to travel a night or two for work requirements, but then chose to stay away an extra night for reasons of her own (even though very valid concerns as yours were), I would feel a small prick in my heart and be sad, and that would bring out the grumps in me. Maybe that is how T felt. Nothing that a smooch on the check and a I’m so glad to see you couldn’t have cured but coming through the door Saturday morning you may not have been able to give him that just then.

    Now reading that you may say, Steve that’s just one more burden that you’re asking me to bear when I already have way too many of them, and it is, but hopefully you can see this one as feather light and just a small shovel of gravel at T’s foundation that helps him be the rock you so often need him to be.

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