OK, I will admit it. Yesterday I was wallowing in self-pity. I’ve done a pretty good job of wallowing today, too, but I have tried my damnedest to remember that THIS, this self-pity phase, while it is really horrible to live through, is not all there is to life. I have been down before, but I have never given up. Ever. It’s not in me to give up. There is way too much beauty in life for me to ever forget what a privilege it is to be alive.
As I drove back to the office from lunch today, I tried to refocus. I mentally listed one thing after another that make me happy. Yes, many of them are worthless, superficial things. Some of them are big…HUGE. That isn’t what matters. These are all things that remind of the joy in life. These things, little and big, are what make it worth getting up in the morning and continuing to put one foot in front of the other.
Nail Polish. I have a new obsession, and both of my daughters are right on board. We buy nail polish, and more nail polish. It’s not unusual to change shades each day. I only paint my toenails, but they have been colorful this summer. Our new favorite brand is Essie. They have the most fantastic shades. The girls have even gotten me to try shades of green and blue.
8-year-olds. I love 8-year-olds, and I am lucky enough to get to live with one this year. 8-year-olds are wise and innocent all at the same time. They really have life figured out, and they aren’t messed up by the sexual urges and matters of the heart that lie ahead. 8-year-olds are perfect, little human beings.
Coffee. Few things give me as much pure pleasure as coffee. Thankfully, I work in a coffee-fueled environment. There is always a fresh pot of coffee brewed in the conference room at our office. We make a pot before meetings. We make more after lunch. We send out departmental emails to let everyone know when a fresh pot has been put on to brew. In the event that there isn’t a fresh pot of coffee, there is a back-up plan. There’s a Keurig brewer in an office upstairs. We all keep Keurig pods in reserve. I have a lovely tray with my supply of Caribou Obsidian Keurig pods. Ah… Delicious!
Caribou Coffee. I love Caribou! Hands down, it is the BEST coffee. If you have never been to Caribou, GO! Try the dark chocolate mint mocha or the raspberry dark chocolate mocha. Ahhhh….. I was a happy camper today, because I finally bought a car magnet. “I Love Coffee.”
Pepper the Wondercat.
I love my cat, . He runs through the house calling “maaaaa maaaaaa maaaa,” until he finds me. He makes a funny noise when he runs up and down stairs. He “tells” me when he needs more food in his bowl. Mostly, I love how he sleeps on my shoulder all night long. He waits until I settle in, then he climbs up from my toes. He walks up the length of my body, and settles in when he reaches my shoulders. He curls up, and there he stays all night long. He seems to know that I need him, that I need to be comforted.
My kids. I love having the opportunity to raise my four children. Highs and lows, ups and downs, dirty diapers, dirty words, achievements, laughter, hugs, and smiles. There has never been one moment of regret. They are all so very unique. Such a surprise being a parent has been. I am not necessarily a woman who has always loved being around kids, but my own? Nothing in life could compare to the experience and privilege of raising these children.
Hugs. There was a time long ago, when I was not a “hugger.” Now, I have come to value hugs. When you’re getting enough hugs, life is good, very good. Other times, sad times, there is nothing I crave more than a simple hug. I try to remember that. I try to be generous in liberal with my hugs. Each of my children are hugged each and every day. The girls and I hug constantly. Nothing feels better, nothing conveys love and safety like a hug. I love the warmth, comfort, and scent of someone I love.
Pepsi. Pepsi is perfect. After my first cup of coffee, I pour a Pepsi. Perfectly bubbly. Perfectly refreshing. It tickles my nose. It’s not too smooth or syrupy. It cut through the morning feeling in my mouth. Pepsi is perfect. I really wish I could someday experience Pepsi in a tall bottle once again. I remember from my childhood the old Pepsi machine on the Main Street of our little town. Plug in a quarter, reach in, the machine would release a bottle. I can remember being scared that I wouldn’t be able to pull it out fast enough before the machine would once again maintain its grip. That never happened, though. Each time I was rewarded with the long glass bottle of pop that I would open on the front of the machine.
It’s not a long list, and it’s certainly not complete. Life is full of wonders, large and small. I’m sure I will be back again with my moments of self-pity, self-doubt, and self-loathing. Today, though, it has felt good to take a short break from all of that. It has felt good to remember a few of the things that make me happy.