Momentum

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It is impossible to take steps back in time.  Even when our feet are dragging in the dust, even when we want to go back to the way things once were, the past does not exist in the present moment.   People change, grow up, or sometimes die.  Each moment is unique, and cannot be repeated or recreated.  There is an unseen momentum pushing and pushing us forward and into the next moment.  My past is full of joyous memories, pain and loss, friends and family.  The past is full of people, so many of them now gone from my life.  Thankfully, the  past is also full of people that I am blessed have in my life in the present, too.

The last few years have been so terrible and full of stress.  I’m not sure how to act now that the  immediate crisis has passed.  There are no visits to be made, no phone calls, no arrangements.  Believe me, I am not complaining.  It feels good to have my life back.  My life.   I have my life back, and now I’m just not sure what to do with it.

It seems that I had expected my life as it once was to still be waiting for me, but apparently, time kept marching on while I have been on the hamster wheel these past few years.  I remember where I was, who I was, what I was two years ago.  The problem is, the life I had two years ago no longer exists.  I am no longer that woman.  So who am I now?  That remains to be seen.  As much as I keep peering into the past to find the woman I once was, I won’t find what I’m searching for.  The past shapes who we are in the present.

In the past weeks, I have been both humbled and hurt.  I have been humbled by the kindness of the good people in my life.  I am blessed with wonderful family and  friends.  I have been touched by their genuine concern, love, and support.  Several people I had once thought of as colleagues, became more than that as they reached out to me on a personal level. Others, people I had once thought of as close friends, were nowhere to be seen.  That is the worst part.  It hurts to realize that a relationship once valued was merely a surface friendship, a fair-weather friendship.

I have been thinking a lot about those who have been absent from my life during these past difficult months and especially the past couple of weeks.  While I understand it on some level, a person going through a tough time doesn’t make the best company, it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.  It doesn’t make it hurt less.   These are the kind of things that test a friendship, and sadly, I had a few “friends” that failed that test.  I don’t mean this to sound bitter.  I am looking at this in a sort of philosophical manner.  Perhaps it is these very disappointments in life that enable us to move onto the next phase.  By examining our lives at times like this, we are better able to let go of our past and give into the momentum that continues to push us forward and forward into the future.

Monday Craziness

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Now that there isn’t so much weighing on my mind, I am finding myself observing more of the world that goes on around me.  I suppose you could say that my focus has switched from internal, or immediate, to that of the larger world.

When I got to the office today, I logged into Facebook.  I am the admin for two pages, and I always check to see if there are comments that require a response, or to make sure, Heaven forbid, nothing horrible, graphic, or lewd has been placed on either page.  As I scrolled down the news feed, I saw the following picture.

It made me laugh, simply because of the foolishness of the statement.  “Put politicians on minimum wage.”  Yeah, that would teach them!  How ridiculous!  Now, I am no big fan of politicians, but I do know quite of few of them on a personal level.  Across the board, they are well-educated and highly experienced.  Generally, the politicians I know have had very successful careers in the private sector before embarking on their political careers.  While you may not like politicians, the point I am trying to make is they have WORKED to get where they are.  They have paid for, and done the work required, to obtain their education and their success.  Sure, let’s pay them minimum wage.  Do you really think anyone with education or intelligence would go into politics if they were only going to make minimum wage?  NO!  Paying politicians minimum wage would only ensure that the doofus who flips your burger at McDonald’s could be your next mayor, or senator, or heck…he could be our next president!  I am NOT criticizing McDonald’s employees or those who earn minimum wage.  Minimum wage is an entry-level wage or a wage designed for teenagers.  As adults, we should aspire for more, and we should certainly expect those who hold political positions to aspire for more.

At lunchtime, I headed out to McDonald’s.  When I pulled around to the drive-up window, I was taken aback by the girl who stood there waiting to take my money.  It’s just a regular Monday afternoon in February, and this girl looked like she was ready to head out for trick or treats.

Does she wonder why the only job she can get pays minimum wage?  Would you hire a girl with bright red hair and scary eyes to represent your successful business?  Oh, but if we pay politicians minimum wage, then maybe she could be our next governor!  I’ll bet she would liven things up at the governor’s mansion.

After McDonald’s, I headed over to pick up a few things at Walgreen’s.  I bought some new nail polish (my new obsession) and some candy for my dish at the office.  I noticed a guy who seemed to always end up in close proximity to wherever I was standing.  When I headed to check out, so did he.  I kept ignoring him, until he tapped me on the shoulder.  “Excuse me, but I have to tell you how much I like your boots.  Are they hard to walk in?”  I told him that there weren’t, I suppose that the ankle support helped.  He asked me if I had “practiced” walking in them, and I said, “NO!  I just walk!”  He said that it looked like I had practiced, because I did such a great job of walking in them.  My God…I’ve been walking for years, and this is the first time anyone has ever told me that I did a “good job.”  He asked me if they were leather, and told me once again how much he liked my boots.

I could never really figure out if this  guy was hitting on me, or whether he was one of those guys who obsessed over women’s’ shoes, or in this case, boots.

 

I headed up the hill and back to my office.  I made one more stop to pick up a Super Big Gulp of Pepsi to get me through the rest of the afternoon.  I filled up my cup, still giggling over the Boot Guy.  I walked over to pay for my purchase, and looked up at the cashier.  One look, and I shuddered.  She had a pierced nose with a black post stud.  It looked like a giant blackhead!  I imagined that if it were really a blackhead, it would be a most-satisfactory squeeze!  It made me shudder to think of a huge blackhead, but also, I can’t imagine what the OTHER side of that nose ring must look like in there!

Once again, I thought about why this person was working at 7-11.  Wonder if the nose ring (and the rest of her scary appearance) had anything to do with her working a minimum wage job?

There was a girl standing next to the nose ring girl, another 7-11 employee.  She  was on what was obviously a personal phone call.  She wasn’t too happy with whoever was on the other end of the line, and she didn’t have any qualms at all about liberally spewing the f-word as she stood behind the counter ignoring customers.  She was intensely wrapped up in the drama of the conversation.  I assume she had been “done wrong” by some man.  I stood there staring.  Yep, I couldn’t stop.  I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying, but instead, I was looking at some of the wildest fingernails I have ever seen.  They were long, and purple, and yellow.

 

I felt like a nerdy old woman as I drove back to the office.  I have on a tweed skirt and a black sweater.  My hair isn’t brightly colored, and I don’t have any unusual piercings.  My nails are a demure, muted shade called “Mink.”

Of course, I do have on my hooker boots!  🙂