The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. I have missed writing, but I haven’t had time or energy. The worst part was the fact that I have not allowed myself to write. I have had nothing decent to say. I have once again been mired down in frustration, stress, and depression. Work has been a political, back-stabbing fest. People I had once considered friends seem to be going out of their way to trip me up and make my life a bit uncomfortable. Decency and kindness have been in short supply. The past couple of weeks have been topsy turvy and confusing. Mostly, it has seemed as if FRUSTRATION has been around every corner.
Sometimes, though, it is during the most stressful times in our lives that we are allowed to see the things that are truly good. When we are stretched to our limits, the moments that ease our minds and lighten our hearts shine even more brightly. I have leaned on T. I have talked and talked, and he has listened. He has been kind and considerate, and I am grateful for the blessing of having him in my life.
One night after a particularly bad day, T and I went for a walk. It was late, and I was tired. I didn’t really want to go, but he had asked me several times during the evening. Finally, I agreed to go on a short walk. We headed down our driveway and out to the open fields. The night air was warm, and a gentle breeze blew over us from across the fields. We walked along without talking, and I could feel the stress draining away. Oh, how I love these fields. I said to T, “We have the best-kept secret in the world out here.” The peace and calm wrapped around me, and I started to talk to T. I told him about my day. All of it just spilled out, and I felt so much better. It was like a pressure valve had been released.
Of course a long walk and a good conversation didn’t solve my problems or eliminate the stress in my life, but that night served to remind me that I do have T. He is there for me. So often, he has been the rock in my life. I am the waves crashing and crashing into that rock. He is steady, stable, and strong. And then there is me… Rising and falling, lifting up and crashing back down, ever-changing, flowing past and then back again, back to my rock.
All four kids are home now, and it feels like a holiday. Luke is back home for the summer, and Andrew arrived yesterday to stay for a week. It’s loud once again in our house. Watching the kids talk and laugh with each other fills me with joy. Emily graduates from high school on Sunday. We’re having a small gathering of family and close friends after the graduation ceremony. Tomorrow will be filled with cooking and cleaning and everyone pitching in. I handed out assignments tonight, and the kids seem happy to be working together for a family celebration. Hopefully, they can keep up the good attitudes once the sun comes up in the morning!
The stress at work and in other areas of my life will wait. It won’t go away. On Monday morning, it will greet me once again. That’s fine, because for the next couple of days, I am refusing to acknowledge its presence. Work is work. Outside stress can wait. For now I am giving myself over to the warmth and happiness of my family. Maybe the house won’t be as clean as I might like or expect it to be for a party. Maybe the food won’t be perfect. Maybe the kids won’t help as much as I am hoping. Maybe it will rain on Sunday. I don’t care. The most important ingredients are already here and complete. My four kids are whole, and healthy, and home. I am blessed, and for the next two days, I intend to honor this huge blessing in my life. I will soak it in and let it nourish my soul.
On a side note, I have another reason to be happy. My little boy puppy has been born! He was born on Mothers Day. 🙂 It was on Mothers Day that the girls and I decided on his name. He will be named after one of my favorite things, Caribou Coffee. The girls and I were standing in line Caribou Coffee and talking about the puppy (which we did not know had been born) when Lola said, “Caribou! How about naming him Caribou, and we can call him Boo.” We all agreed. We knew. Our puppy would be named Boo. The next day, I received the call that Boo had been born. I told T later that evening. He hasn’t said much. Maybe he is in denial,. In about seven weeks, we will have a new member of the family. I can’t wait!