Here’s The Plan

I read an interesting article today.  I just happened upon it, but something in the title caught my eye.  I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was something about determining when to keep pushing yourself and when there a need to allow yourself to rest.  Those of us who are driven individuals have most likely trained ourselves to keep pushing, don’t give up, be relentless in the pursuit of….whatever, you can fill in the blank on this one.  That’s certainly the story of my life.  I’m not a quitter.  Giving up is a foreign concept to me.  It doesn’t fit.  It doesn’t feel good, and it certainly doesn’t feel natural.

Fail

I saw my crazy therapist today.  It hadn’t been a good day at all, and I literally broke down the moment I sat down on her couch.  My head was spinning, and I couldn’t even articulate exactly what was wrong.  I suppose her office has become a safe place.  She is kind.  I was able to let the cracks in my veneer crumble away.  I think she was shocked, because I am usually in control.  Usually our conversations are logical, even methodical.  In the past, we have analyzed situations and scenarios for a deeper understanding.  Today was all emotion; no control; no logic.  Today, I was not in control.  I’ve had enough of control.  Today I simply spilled my guts and let the pain, confusion, and frustration that hold me hostage rise up to the surface.  I think she was shocked.

Deviation – Random Good Things

As I have written lately, I have been mired in crap, sludge, mud, spinning my wheels.  While that struggle continues, tonight I am going to focus on a few good things that are going on.  I’ll save the negative stuff to discuss with my crazy therapist tomorrow.  After all, she needs to earn a living, too.

Isn’t Life Strange…

I had such a bad, bad day.  It sucked.  After one particularly God-awful, horrible phone call, I decided to stop at 7-11 for a Big Gulp.   On my way into the store for a much-needed Pepsi, I decided to throw away some trash from my car.  I was so stressed out, and flustered, and upset that I accidentally threw away my car keys along with the trash.  From what I understand, the cost to replace one of these keys is several hundred dollars.  That wasn’t the biggest problem, though.  My car was locked.  Unless I found that key, I was stranded.  So there I was, as if I my day wasn’t already bad enough, I had to dig through a damn trash can like a bag lady to retrieve my keys, the keys I had absently mindedly, idiotically thrown away.  Yeah, my day wasn’t so great.

Existing From Day To Day

“I can’t breathe, and I can’t see

I’m just existing from day to day…

I want to be where my soul can run free”

That Guy Can Wield An Ax!

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith was a really good read.  It’s not the type of book I would normally choose, but it was quick to draw me in and keep me there.  I hadn’t even realized that it was a book until my son Luke asked me to order it for him. We had seen the trailer for the movie months ago, and knew that this was one movie we wouldn’t be missing.  History, vampires, Abraham Lincoln….oh, yeah!  Every time we saw the trailer, we’d burst out laughing.  I ordered the book for Luke, and downloaded it to my iPad for myself.  It’s always fun to read a book along with someone, and we were both impressed by the historical accuracy of the book.  Amazingly, the whole concept of vampire hunting was very believable.  Eliminating the vampires’ perpetuation of  slave trade seemed like a reasonable and  logical cause of the Civil War.

Little Girls, Little Dogs, and One Old Cat

Finally…this crazy week is over.  The past couple of days have been a whirlwind of activity.  Working with the consultants and conducting public meetings, hosting a concert last night, responding to phone calls and emails.  It was a busy, but productive week.  I enjoyed working with my friend.  His assistance as a meeting facilitator was invaluable, and we were able to accomplish more than I had hoped.  I’m excited for the next phase of this project and many of the potential pitfalls and road blocks I had anticipated were never encountered.  Not yet, anyway.  This is a good project.  What was initially an economic development initiative has blossomed into a community development project.

Ah…

Thankfully, I have been able to string together a few days at work that have been rewarding, productive, and enjoyable.  Although I didn’t get home to stay for the night until after 10:30,  I did sneak out for a few hours late this afternoon to spend some time with the family.  The next few days are going to be full, and I am trying to take it in stride.  It is what it is, and all I can do is hold on tight and make the most of it.  We are in the midst of our summer season at work, and that means we are hosting ten concerts throughout the summer.  So far, the weather has been wonderful.  The volunteers have been happy, and the concert-goers have had a good time.  It’s our fifth season with the summer concerts, and although it takes  time and means extra work, we have gotten things down to a science.