I’ve been silent for a while in the blogging world. I’ve missed writing, but I’ve been afraid. I was a little freaked out. A couple of weeks ago, I took a sick day. I wasn’t feeling well, was exhausted, and I knew that the rest of my week was going to be full of long days. Sure, I could have made it through the day, but I was running on empty. My tank was sucking fumes. The morning I stayed home sick, I took things slowly. Eventually, I ended up on my patio with my iPad and a cup of coffee. I was going to write. When I logged into my blog, I was shocked. Someone from my office had logged on earlier that morning, but I was NOT in the office. I immediately changed my password and set the blog to private.
I didn’t know what to do or who it could have been. I had worked very late on the previous evening, and I remembered shutting down the computer on my desk. I hadn’t left my computer on and logged into my account. I wondered if I should delete the blog. No, I didn’t want to do that. I also considered migrating the entire blog to a different site. I emailed a couple of blogging friends, and told them that I would be happy to allow them access when I began writing again.
During this hiatus, I wanted to write. I simply didn’t know where to write. This is my second blog. I still miss the first one, especially the one year of writing that I obliterated with the stroke of a key. The second year is saved, and privacy protected in the archives of cyberspace. A few people have access, but I no longer log into or write in that blog. The memories are still too painful to revisit.
I have mulled the matter of this blog over for days. Pam’s Planet is mine. It is a part of me. As I tried to decided what I should do, I came back time and again to the trials, pain, and struggles with my mother. I wrote so often during the time of her death. I remembered the evening she died. I wrote of our visit that night, and I wrote with peace and love in my heart. Not long after I finished my blog entry that evening, the phone rang with news of my mother’s passing. It meant so much to me to have been able to preserve those final moments in this blog and to be able to take that phone call with a peaceful heart. This blog allowed that to happen. While I may not have written beautifully, I have written honestly. If I didn’t want the blog to be read, then I shouldn’t be putting my words out here for anyone to see, discover, or happen upon. So…to hell with it. Let them read.