Today someone yelled at me. It was at the end of the day. I am sick and exhausted. My energy was already depleted, and the yelling sucked away whatever remained. Even now, hours later, I am shaking. I didn’t deserve to be yelled at. While I spoke in a calm, reserved voice, this person blamed me for causing their lack of control. No. No person deserves to be yelled at, and no person can be the cause of another’s lack of control. Hang up the phone. Walk away. Table the discussion. Mentally healthy adults do not yell…..under any circumstance. Yelling is a selfish, weak, self-absorbed way to handle a difficult situation. Yelling is cowardly.
And so I needed to write. Too often the mean and the cowardly attempt to crush the goodness in this world. In their misery, they strive to inflict pain on those around them.
As I drove home tonight, prior to the yelling, I had been listening to my iPod on random shuffle. A song came on that I needed to hear as it has had great meaning in my life. I listened, and I smiled. This song belongs to my son Andrew and I. While it may not be a song that a young man, or a boy at that time, would like, it was an important part of his recovery. As he lay in a coma, this song was at its height of popularity. I heard it over and over on the radio during those days, and the words inspired me. Later that year as we celebrated Christmas, I bought my 12 year old son a book with the lyrics. He knew why, and that book has always meant a great deal to him. SOMEONE BELIEVED IN HIM. Someone was in his corner and wanted every good thing life has to offer to be HIS.
The yelling made me forget for a moment. It brought me down, and it made me feel worthless, sad, depressed, and full of anger. No. I refuse to allow that to happen. I may not be able to control the horrible actions of others, but I can certainly control how I allow them to make me feel. No. I am not worthless. I did not deserve to be the brunt of brutal and disgusting behavior.
And so I will post the song that makes my heart remember the beauty of life and the triumph of strength over cowardice.
Things that made my day worth living:
Co-workers who had my back when I was out of the office and were happy when I returned.
The worker at Target who noticed that I had been out of town…and welcomed me back home.
Super Big Gulps full of ice and Pepsi at my regular afternoon stop.
The many phone calls I took today from people who made me smile.
Texting with a friend and fellow ocular migraine sufferer.
Being called Dr. Mom.
T and his constant support, friendship, and excellent grilling skills.
Being following around all evening by a gray cat and a white puppy.
Talking to all four of my kids in a 24-hour period.
A friend’s Facebook status complaining about so many posts about a stupid football game “Who cares? It’s just a game!” – made me smile.
A strong belief in KARMA. 😉
And now I feel better. Taking a moment to vent and then redirect my thoughts to the good things in my day has helped. I feel peaceful, calm, and content. At the end of the day, all we can really hope for is the sense that we have tried our best. People who are frustrated with themselves, their own lack of effort, fears, cowardice, and shortcomings, those who lash out at others need to go home and look in mirror. The guy looking back at them is truly the source of their anger and pain.