At The End of a Long, Long Day

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I had some bad news today.  My laptop is dead.  That’s it.  They said that it can’t be fixed.  Time to get a new one.  So for now, I am still delegated to this computer with the sticky keyboard located in a room off of the kitchen.  My blogging is going to suffer!

I’m just settling in after a really long day.  We had a public meeting at city council tonight, and it didn’t go well.  It was almost physically painful to watch slum lords stand up and speak against improvements in “their” neighborhood.  In truth, they don’t live there.  They don’t care what happens there.  All they want is cheap taxes and to collect their rents.  The young woman who has been working on this initiative has put months of time and effort, and a great deal of her heart and soul, into this project. In one night of political debacle, it has been torn down.  Damn.  It is hard to watch her going through the process of “getting a thicker skin.”   All too often, life is not fair.

While I would like to go into work an hour or so later tomorrow, that won’t be possible.  I have been asked to speak to a public policy class as a local college.  I thought I could wing it, but when I spoke to the professor today, he was expecting me to speak for at least 45 minutes, and then open things up to questions from the students.  Well, I think that might take a little preparation!  I have to be at the class by 9:30, so I’m going to have to get to the office early enough to collect my thoughts.  I’m sure it will be fine, and I’m looking forward to it.

I have had an unwelcome visitor these past few days.  Depression is back.  I can feel it hanging like a shadow over my head, and I feel like I am moving through a thick cloud.  The shorter days, impending winter, lack of sunshine, dreary cold weather are not helping matters.  I am on edge and not sleeping well (if at all.)   Battling the depression, trying to keep it at bay, is exhausting.  I am admitting defeat.  I can’t do this alone.  I need help.  I need to be on medication again.  Dammit.  This time, though, I am going to try a different tactic.  My therapist is TERRIBLE…and she can’t prescribe medication.  A year or so ago, my family practitioner was shocked when I asked him to prescribe medication for depression.  He sees me as capable and strong, and it was humiliating to have to go to him for a prescription.  He seemed disappointed in me, and that did NOT help matters.  This time, I am taking a different tactic.  I am ditching the crazy therapist (much as I liked her as a person!) and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Friday.  I’m really hoping that we can find a medication that will work for me without leaving me feeling like a zombie.

Speaking of zombies…  T and I have been watching, and totally enjoying, season two of  “The Walking Dead.”  Oh, there is something that I absolutely love about post-apocalyptic shows!  While, Emily started watching season two with us, we have cheated on her and watching more episodes.  Now she’s trying to catch up.  Last weekend, T and I watched seven episodes!

Tonight I am tired and worn out.  There won’t be any zombie escapades for me tonight, and I’m disappointed that my day has been so completely filled up with work.  It was good to come home tonight, though.  T came out to my car when I pulled into the drive.  He talked to me as I walked to the door while cold wind and rain whipped around us.  The night was black and cold, but the house was glowing with warm lights at the windows.  When I walked in the back door, the girls were there waiting with a hug.  Pepper the Wondercat and Boo the puppy were wiggling at my feet for attention.

I wanted to share a few pics of our sweet puppy.  I haven’t written much about him, and I feel bad about that.  He has become a wonderful addition to the family.  While I have had many dogs in my life, Boo is probably the sweetest natured  of them all.  He is a precious and gentle little soul, constantly watching our faces for approval.  Above all else, Boo wants the people he loves to be happy.  We could all learn a lesson from Boo.

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