I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot lately. I have intended to write an update for weeks. The truth is, I have been too busy, too overwhelmed, and often too tired. So much has happened during these past months. I don’t know where to begin. I’ll start with the basics.
I have moved, and I’m beginning to feel somewhat settled. I’ve begun to feel a sense of “new normal” beginning to emerge over the past few weeks. I am renting a nice house in a lovely neighborhood. The girls live with me and are adjusting nicely. T is still living in our home two hours away. Both our home and my parents’ home remain on the market. We have had three different offers on the homes fall through. An offer is pending now on my parents’ home, but I’m taking wagers on when this most recent offer will hit the proverbial brick wall. T visits us on the weekends. He has a potential job offer in the works, but I’m trying not to think too much about anything that isn’t final. I’ve begun to learn that until the T’s are crossed and the I’s are dotted, ANYTHING can happen. (I’ve had to learn that lesson the hard way!)
The past three months have been scary and full of the unknown. My first night in this house was my first time EVER spending the night in a home alone. I’d always been with my parents, or T, or the kids. I came here not knowing anyone. I don’t know where or how or who….for almost everything. Even something as simple as going to the grocery store was an adjustment. I had been accustomed to my local grocery store, the same place I had shopped for years. The stores here are different. There are different brands. I didn’t know where to find anything. Some days were frustrating. Some days felt victorious simply because I had been able to figure a few basic things out.
Many weeks I spent completely alone. The loneliness wasn’t easy, and I’m ready to forget it now that the girls are here. School has begun, and Lola is thriving. I am so proud of how bravely she has face a multitude of changes at the tender age of 10. The strength of all my children continues to be the most inspirational thing in my life. They are my heroes.
I’m exhausted, but optimistic. I have been lonely, but I have begun to make friends. I haven’t spent much time looking back. The ease of this change has shocked me. There isn’t much that I miss about my “old life.” I don’t long for anything. I haven’t been looking in my rearview mirror. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I think this really illustrates what an incredibly unhappy place I had been in my life. I was ripe for change.
My new job is great! I love it. My board of directors is engaged, supportive, and willing to embrace new ideas and change. The challenges are HUGE and many. I miss my staff. I miss a mature, successful program. My organization here is mature, but a mess! It is difficult to move forward and weed out the bad elements without stepping on toes and offending people who have had their hearts in the right place and been involved for years in something that hasn’t been working very well. I am impatient. I want changes to happen overnight. There never seems to be enough hours in the day. I’m constantly reminding myself to take a deep breath, focus, and remember that I’ve only been here for three months.
I have been asked to speak at City Council, Rotary, Kiwanis, and other service and community organizations. I have a regular appearance on the local morning radio program that is thankfully recorded in the afternoon. I’ve met hundreds of people. Still, at the end of the day, I am lonely. I love the company of my girls, but to them, I am just Mom. I miss a partner. I miss having friends. Once again, I remind myself to be patient. It has only been three months…