Crusty Old Broad

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***Another old one – October 14, 2011.  I am pleased to say that I DO recycle now.  Although…I have become crustier in many other ways!


Just as I had hoped, I am becoming a crusty old broad.  With each passing year, I am less and less concerned about the opinions of those around me.  That does not mean that I am not nice to people.  It doesn’t mean that I am grouchy, crabby, or impatient.  I’m not unkempt or uncaring.  What it means is that I give less and less significance (or less of a shit!) to the opinions of others.  I am learning to embrace my own opinions.  Don’t like the same things I like?  That’s fine, just don’t begrudge me my opinion on the matter.  I am learning to stand on my own feet and value my own opinions (right or wrong) without having to gather the consensus of those around me.  Finally, at the tender age of ???, I am beginning to feel like a grown-up.  This realization has been revealing itself to me in bits and pieces over the last year or so.

It all started with McDonald’s.  For a long time, I was reluctant to admit that I love McDonald’s food from time to time.  There is a certain type of person who likes to “ANNOUNCE” that they NEVER eat at a McDonald’s.  In the past, I felt ashamed.  I just sat silently, too afraid to declare my love for fast food.  McDonald’s-haters are too superior either due to their impeccable and constant monitoring of their health, or their cultured pallet could not possibly tolerate such a low-level of fast food.   (To get the proper tone here, please say “fast food” with a condescending frown and  as if you have a mouth full of marbles.)  Well folks, I am ready to admit it.  I love McDonald’s!  It’s not my top choice by any means, but their fries are pretty damn good.  There are times when I actually crave a McDouble, or a Filet-O-Fish.  Add a large sweet tea, and I’m one happy gal.

Here’s another confession.  I particularly love Styrofoam.  McDonald’s sweet tea is served in a Styrofoam cup.  Oh, I love Styrofoam.  Seriously.  I love it.  It doesn’t sweat and drip on hot days,  The ice stays icy all day!  Styrofoam will keep your beverages cold…..OR….hot!  Once I was served a sweet tea at a McDonald’s drive-thru window, and they gave me a flimsy plastic cup.  I asked them to please pour it into Styrofoam.  There.  That weight has been lifted.  Have you ever heard of anything so heinous as a person who will admit, in this very GREEN era of 2011, that they LOVE Styrofoam?  If it makes you feel any better, at home I never, ever use paper plates or plastic silverware.

There is more.  I love butter.  I won’t even buy margarine.  I like vegetables, but only if they’re served with a large portion of butter, or cheese sauce, or crumbled bacon.  I drink whole milk, too.  I wouldn’t dream of buying skim milk.  It reminds me too much of breast milk!

I don’t recycle, but I do save pop tabs.  I have collected bags and bags of them to take to Ronald McDonald House.

I can’t keep up with all of the latest fads, and now I find that I no longer really even care about the latest fads.  I don’t watch TV.  I don’t even know what shows are current or popular.  If you put a People Magazine in front of me, I probably wouldn’t know the person on the cover.  I’ve never watched even one episode of American Idol.  I don’t like Oprah.  The last movie I saw in a theater was Harry Potter.  Notice that there isn’t a number after Harry Potter, or a chapter or whatever.  The last movie I saw at a theater was the original Harry Potter.  I can’t stand sitting in a dark theater for two hours.  I need a remote.  I need a pause button.  I need a couch and a cozy blanket.  I’m willing to wait a few months to watch whatever I want to see in the comfort of my own home.  I am not a normal middle-aged American woman.

I like to go fishing.  I bait my own hook.  I can clean and gut the fish I catch.  Oh, and I don’t feel “sorry” for them.  I enjoy eating them too much to feel sorry!

I like to paddle a canoe.  I like plain and simple better than showy and ostentatious.  People who brag or try to impress others, don’t impress me.  I don’t care who you know, where you work, or where you went to school.

And please….don’t brag to me about your kids’ accomplishments as if they are your own.  Nothing bothers me more than this strange Peter Pan Parenting that is so prevalent in today’s society.  Let your kids become adults.  Be proud of them.  Love them, but don’t live through them.

Yep.  I think I’m becoming the female version of Paul Harvey….or maybe Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies.


One thought on “Crusty Old Broad

  1. If one more “old” person tells me that they JUST have a phone that doesn’t take pictures, or doesn’t text or doesn’t sexually gratify them…………………….WHATEVER…………I will strangle them.

    I don’t care if you want to be stuck in the 70’s. I like and use my phone the way that they should be used. AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If they only had a Mc Phone, I would be happier.

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