Sweet Miracle of Kindness

I received the following email today:

Dear Pam,

Just want you to know that I am honored to be your second Mom.  I never had a daughter, but if I did, I would hope she would be just like you.  You are a kind, honest, considerate, intelligent and loving woman.  I am so proud of you, and I respect you for how you have adapted to a new city, job, and home this past year.  Not an easy task !

Pam,  you are very special to me.

Love,

S…

Caved

My biggest shortcoming is giving people third chances.  Not second chances.  I believe everyone deserves a second chance.  People make mistakes.  ALL of us, me included.   I never forget the good people in my life who have cared enough to give me a second chance.  My problem is not holding people accountable for the third, fourth, or fifth times they mess up, etc.

So This is What It’s Like to Be a Grown-Up

I drove to work this morning trying to summon a positive mood.  I actively thought about things that make me happy and things that I’m proud of about my life.  Thankfully, there were a lot of things on that list.  The music playing was good, and I turned up the volume.  The sun was shining.  There was no reason to feel unhappy or stressed out…at least for those thirty minutes in the car while I drove to the office.  My mind was on my son, Luke, but I decided not to think about it for a while.  There was no reason to dwell on that situation at the moment.  I’m learning to let things rest, and that is a big accomplishment for me.  I’m learning to compartmentalize the different parts of my day.  I’m drawing on the positive times to carry me through the times that aren’t so positive.

Hey, Mom

 

Frustrated doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now.

It was a great long weekend with all four kids home.  While it was exhausting, I so much enjoyed having my kids close for a few days.  More than the interaction I had with them, I enjoyed watching them talk to each other.

Boom!  One phone call later, and that feeling of satisfaction over a job well-done in raising such wonderful adult children, is gone.

Alone

“We need others.  We need others to love, and we need to be loved by them.  There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

No one person can be everything to another person.  I need someone to talk to who knows my heart, but there is no one there.  There is no one I can pick up the phone and call who would understand…or not think that I have lost my mind to call and reveal to them the inner workings of my heart.  The fact that there is not one person I can reach out for right at this moment makes me feel so lonely.

Baseball Memories

 

When I was a little girl, my father gave me the most important gift, the gift of acceptance and unconditional love.

I was in the midst of those awkward middle school years.  I was trying so hard to be cool, to be like everyone else.  Above all, I wanted to fit in.  All my friends played softball, so of course, I signed up to be on a team, too.  I hated every single moment of it.  I was afraid of being hit by a ball.  I couldn’t catch, pitch, throw, or hit.  Yet I kept right on trying.  I went to each practice.  When I got home, my dad spent countless hours trying to teach me and trying to help me improve.  Nothing worked.  I didn’t improve no matter how hard I tried.  As hard as I was working to be better, my heart wasn’t in it.  I wanted to be reading a book, or playing the piano, or spending time with my pets.  The only things I liked about playing softball was sitting on the bench, visiting with my friends, and going to the concession stand after the game.

Cell Phone Hostage

Yesterday morning around 6:00 a.m., before I was even out of bed, I sent my three oldest children a text message.  The message was in response to a text I had received from Verizon notifying me that we had exceeded the data usage limit on our phone plan, therefore we would be incurring an additional charge.  While the charge wasn’t overly excessive, I was upset with my kids for not being more cautious with MY money.  I knew our data usage was close to the limit; so did they.  We had all received the warning text a week ago.  So I sent the following text to my kids:  “I am going to check my Verizon account to see why our data is being overly used, and who is using it.  Please be respectful of the fact that you are all adults, and your parents are still the ones paying for your phones.”

Brightness

 

It has been almost one year since I began this challenging journey of change.  One thing I learned quite quickly was that it helped me immensely to break things down into short-term goals.  By short-term I’m talking days, a week, a month at the most.  Some days I felt so overwhelmed that my goal was simply to get through whatever I had to do that day without thinking ahead to tomorrow.  This method of dealing with a major life change went a long way in reducing stress.