“We need others. We need others to love, and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.” ~ Leo Buscaglia
No one person can be everything to another person. I need someone to talk to who knows my heart, but there is no one there. There is no one I can pick up the phone and call who would understand…or not think that I have lost my mind to call and reveal to them the inner workings of my heart. The fact that there is not one person I can reach out for right at this moment makes me feel so lonely.
Believe me, I am well-aware of the many blessings and wonderful people in my life. So how can I be lonely? This thing on my my mind is not a bad thing, but it is deeply personal. It is a sensitive matter, and it is not something that I can talk about with just anyone. I can’t grab the nearest person and expect to unburden my mind. This is an issue intimate and dear to my heart.
While I love my dear daughters, I can’t expect them to talk with me through worries about aging or motherhood. I am their mentor, but right now, I need someone to mentor me. I can’t talk to T about this, either. While I know he would listen, he simply would not “get it.” T is not driven by emotions or sentiment. He is not introspective. He would listen, and then he would probably stash the entire conversation away with all the other things he doesn’t quite understand about me.
This is when I miss my dad the most. My dad would completely understand how I am feeling, because he would be feeling the same way. He would talk with me, shed a few tears along with me, and by the end of the conversation have me laughing. I miss my grandmas, too.
Sometimes this stage of life really sucks. I am always strong for those around me, yet the people who were my support…the rocks in my life…are no longer here.
I wish I had a sister.
As with all things, this too shall pass. This is a time of difficult transitions. I’m just getting my feet wet in this new phase of my life. Soon this phase will be my new normal.
I’ll get through this day. I’ll adjust, and hopefully, I will learn something along the way.