Tomorrow Began Yesterday

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Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end

It’s all now you see: tomorrow began yesterday and yesterday won’t be over until tomorrow. – William Faulkner

It’s a quiet morning, and I’m in the house alone sitting in my room, sipping on a steaming cup of coffee, and cuddled under the covers in my robe.  Mornings like this are a rarity, and I am fully enjoying the moment.  Out there beyond my bedroom door are lists of things I need to buy and things I need to do.  Kids and family will begin descending on our house either tonight or tomorrow.  I haven’t really been able to clarify exactly who is being brought along to our house…or when.  For now though, until my feet hit the floor with some kind of purpose, these morning moments belong to me.   Continue Reading »

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Gratitude

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Refrigerator

Andrew called home on Monday night asking for some advice.  Why might water be leaking from his freezer?  While we suggested that perhaps his freezer door hadn’t been properly closed, that was only wishful thinking.  On Tuesday morning, he called to tell me that he had gone to the fridge for a glass of milk, and everything was warm.  He called the building super and was told that a repairman would be sent out the next day.  The next day???  I wanted to hop in my car immediately and bring my son a cooler and some ice.  He doesn’t have a cooler in Chicago, and he doesn’t even know anyone to call to borrow a cooler. Continue Reading »

Deviation – Random Good Things

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As I have written lately, I have been mired in crap, sludge, mud, spinning my wheels.  While that struggle continues, tonight I am going to focus on a few good things that are going on.  I’ll save the negative stuff to discuss with my crazy therapist tomorrow.  After all, she needs to earn a living, too. Continue Reading »

Crazy Stress

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The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind.  I have missed writing, but I haven’t had time or energy.  The worst part was the fact that I have not allowed myself to write.  I have had nothing decent to say.  I have once again been mired down in frustration, stress, and depression.  Work has been a political, back-stabbing fest.  People I had once considered friends seem to be going out of their way to trip me up and make my life a bit uncomfortable.  Decency and kindness have been in short supply.  The past couple of weeks have been topsy turvy and confusing.  Mostly, it has seemed as if FRUSTRATION has been around every corner. Continue Reading »

Kindle Me Happy

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I question everything.  I seek understanding.  Until I have answers to my questions, my mind won’t shut up.  If I don’t understand something, especially the behavior of others, I mull it over and over until I am satisfied with their motives, reasons, or what is causing their behavior.  If someone snaps at me without cause, I try not to take it personally.  Instead, I want to help.  What has them upset?  What’s wrong?  What can I do to help?  Most times in my life, this has served me well.  My attempts to empathize and understand the behavior of those around me (and not take it personally) has given me a better understanding of myself and has kept conflict to a minimum. Continue Reading »

The Intimacy of Sleeping

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When I was a little girl, I hated to wake and find someone/anyone looking at me.  If I was home sick from school, I was uncomfortable if my mother peeked into my room to check on me.  I hated it if my parents would go out for an evening and come in my room to check on me late at night when they returned.  Waking to find someone looking at me, even in love and caring, was upsetting to me.  It made me feel vulnerable, weak, and helpless.  Sleep was private.  It was something I preferred to do alone, unbothered, and uninterrupted. Continue Reading »

The Theme For This Year…

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Last Sunday was the first time that I have felt truly relaxed in so many months.  I was relaxed in a way that I knew wasn’t going to be quickly snatched away from me.  I wasn’t stealing a moment.  I wasn’t supposed to be doing something else.  I wasn’t on my way to someplace.  I simply was.  It was genuine and comforting. Continue Reading »