Cathartic

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the terrible breakdown I had in my therapist’s office.  In the two years that I have been seeing her, the day of the breakdown was probably the most honest moment I have allowed myself to have during our sessions.  I freaked her out.  Heck, I freaked myself out!  I took her advice (for about four days) and began taking antidepressants again.  I could have continued to numb myself into a state of calm.  I did that before.  I’m not saying that there isn’t a time when medication is necessary and beneficial.  I’m not saying that those who choose to go that route are wrong.  However, at this time and place in my life, antidepressants are not what is needed.  I don’t need to be numbed.  Instead, my breakdown was cathartic.  It made me ultra-aware that the changes that are needed in my life must come from within myself.  Instead of numbness, I need strength.  As painful and as difficult as that day in my therapist’s office was, and the days that followed, I have come out on the other side with a new awareness and sense of self-protection.  The breakdown forced me to face lingering issues.  After all, something caused it.  Something was WRONG.  I could either numb it, and in my opinion, deny the problem, or I could begin to look for causes, answers, and potential solutions.

I Am In Love!

Caribou is here! From the first moment we met, there was no doubt. He was meant to be a part of our lives.

The girls and I were nervous the entire day. I think we were all afraid that something would go wrong. Maybe the breeder would call and say that we needed to wait a couple days more. Or what if, God forbid, we didn’t like him? What if he wasn’t sweet? What if he was yippy, or too shy? Or what if “something” just didn’t feel right? The girls and I were quiet all morning (very unusual!) Each of us were keeping our thoughts to ourselves, but worrying in our own ways.

Crazy Stress

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind.  I have missed writing, but I haven’t had time or energy.  The worst part was the fact that I have not allowed myself to write.  I have had nothing decent to say.  I have once again been mired down in frustration, stress, and depression.  Work has been a political, back-stabbing fest.  People I had once considered friends seem to be going out of their way to trip me up and make my life a bit uncomfortable.  Decency and kindness have been in short supply.  The past couple of weeks have been topsy turvy and confusing.  Mostly, it has seemed as if FRUSTRATION has been around every corner.

Sweet Talkin’

I’m going to have to do a little bit of salesmanship (or saleswomanship) in the next few weeks.  T doesn’t know it yet, but there is going to be an addition to the family.  We are in the “family way.”  Our new addition is in utero.  He (yes, it’s a boy!) will be born in the next day or so.  I am so excited, but I’m afraid T won’t share my excitement.  I put a deposit down on a yet-to-be born puppy today.  His mommy is overdue, and I am excitedly awaiting his birth.