I read an interesting article today. I just happened upon it, but something in the title caught my eye. I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was something about determining when to keep pushing yourself and when there a need to allow yourself to rest. Those of us who are driven individuals have most likely trained ourselves to keep pushing, don’t give up, be relentless in the pursuit of….whatever, you can fill in the blank on this one. That’s certainly the story of my life. I’m not a quitter. Giving up is a foreign concept to me. It doesn’t fit. It doesn’t feel good, and it certainly doesn’t feel natural. Continue Reading »
I am really beginning to feel at home in the new office. The bowl of lemons were a hit. I enjoyed watching the reactions of people as they noticed the bright yellow lemons in the bright orange bowl. Some people stared at them, but didn’t say a word. Other people asked, “What’s with the lemons?” as soon as they walked in my door. I would seriously recommend that everyone have a bowl of lemons in their life! They smelled wonderful, like a citrusy burst of sunshine. I could feel my spirits lift whenever my I glanced in their direction. The color was beautifully refreshing amid the drab muted colors of an office. Thank you, Seasweetie, for this bit of spiritual advice.
I like the color of the new office, too. It isn’t a very pretty color, kind of a dark taupe, but it is a good color to sink into. It feels calming. I never liked color of the old office. It was light blue, and I always felt bad vibes from that color. Weird, huh, but whenever I really looked at that blue color, it felt hectic. It was a busy color, better suited for a surgical suite or an IRS office.
The coolest thing of all is that my new office is in the portion of City Hall that was once the city jail. The picture above isn’t from my office, but it was taken in the office on the floor above mine. The upstairs still has a couple of the original jail cell doors in place. I’ve done a little research about the history of the building, and my office space is in what was once the women’s’ holding cell. I love that! I wonder what would land a woman in jail in the early 1900’s?
Other than adjusting to the new office, there wasn’t a lot of good about my day. My intern is truly about the stupidest girl I have ever encountered. I could do a “Post a Day” on the things that girl says and does. The crazy, angry man was at it again today, too. He would also qualify for a “Post a Day.” I had a good long talk with the Chief of Police this afternoon. I feel a lot better after talking to him, although there isn’t much that can be done at this point. The Chief did offer some great advice to pass along to the concerned business owners.
The gloomy skies and cold weather have been mirroring my mood these past few days. Unsettled weather is what you would call it, and it fits. What I need is warming sunshine and soft breezes. I have been working too hard, not feeling well, not sleeping well, thinking too much, and it is taking its toll on me this week. I was so tired driving home tonight. It frightened me as I struggled to stay awake. Most days, I enjoy the drive home, but today it felt lonely. The sky was gray. The songs on my iPod were depressing.
My phone rang when I was almost home. It was Emily. My spirits lifted the moment I heard her voice. My Emily. My sunshine. She was all in a dither. She had plans tonight with the new boyfriend. She had just found out that the plans included swimming. She was freaking out about him seeing her in a bikini. (REALLY…how reassuring is that!?) This is probably the first boy who has ever made her act like this. I’m not sure how to explain it. She glows, giggles, frets, and worries. This boy is sweet and cute….AND he’s an older man. He just turned 20. While that made T and I cringe initially, they are following our rules. Em met him while volunteering at the Red Cross. He is an Eagle Scout. His mother even stopped by and talked to T at work about the “situation.” She wanted to make sure that her son had our blessing and to let us know that she was also going to monitor things, too.
I talked to Em until I pulled into the driveway. One thing is for sure, no matter how tired I am while driving home, I wake right up when I walk in the door. I have no choice. Most days, someone is out the door of the house before I’m even out of the car. Lola ran out. Pepper the Wondercat was sitting in the windowsill meowing at me, and Em was waiting right inside the door. She looked so beautiful, excited, and happy. There was nothing special to have made her so beautiful at that moment, but I was in awe. She wasn’t dressed up, and her hair was in a messy bun, but she was glowing with happiness, which made me feel happy for the first time all day. I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. LOUD. My house is always loud. Everyone was there. What’s for dinner? Who is staying here for dinner? Who will be coming over for dinner? I never know from one day to the next who, what, or how many.
Andrew was leaving to play a show at a coffee house. Em was leaving on her date. Luke’s girlfriend would be here any moment. Tonight there were five of us for dinner. It’s a different mix each day. It keeps things interesting. There is never any monotony in this house. I long for a day or two of monotony.
After dinner, I crept upstairs to lie down for a while. The house had settled down. Luke and Shannon had taken Lola into the TV room to watch Indiana Jones. The TV room connects to my bedroom by the back staircase, and I could hear them in the room below me. As I listened to the three of them in the TV room, I thought about what wonderful parents Luke and Shannon will someday be. They are two amazing young people. Best friends, first and only loves, they have been inseparable for four years now. Shannon will be joining Luke at Marquette in the fall. They will be living in the same dorm. I’ve been teasing them all summer about getting married since they’re attending the same school. It would save us a bundle in tuition! Of course, I don’t mean it. I’m proud of the plans they have in place for their lives. They have it all charted and planned out. I hope it works for them, but I also know that life rarely goes according to our plans.
Exhausted as I was, I merely drifted in and out of sleep. I was dreaming dreams that only added to my exhaustion. I was unable to find the peace I was seeking. I had wanted a quick, refreshing nap while everyone was occupied, but instead my solitude only magnified my worries. A text from Andrew. He was on his way home, so I went back downstairs to wait for him.
Andrew came home in a good mood. “Want to watch a little King of the Hill before bed, Mom?” I poured a Special Pepsi (Bacardi and Pepsi with a nice slice of lime) and made some popcorn. Shannon went home, and Luke joined us. Emily wandered in, too, happy from a wonderful evening. My kids and King of the Hill, T sleeping in a chair, that is my life right now. Once again, I settled in and allowed Hank and Peggy to relieve my stress and lift my spirits.
So much is unsettled. So much is confusing. So many things are on my mind. And so it goes…