I haven’t written anything in three months. In fact, I haven’t read anything….AT ALL. Nothing. Beyond street signs, I’ve been outside of the world of words. I made my blog private, not because I had anything to hide, but because I needed to hide from myself. I was hiding from the self that was introspective, analyzing, thinking, and remembering. I wanted to see only the truth, and I wanted to concentrate on real things, the things that were/are right in front of me. Writing was/is an escape. Writing allowed me to slip away from reality into a world of introspection. Self-pity? Yeah, my writing often allowed me to wallow in everything that was wrong while I ignored the many things that were right.
As I sit down tonight to begin writing once again, I am amazed by the changes that have occurred these past three months. While tonight I sit in my same comfortable spot on the couch, everything around me is about to change. HUGE, GIANT changes are just around the corner. I am scared, and at the same time, I am straining and impatient for these changes to begin. Tomorrow I am resigning from my job, a position that I have fought for, believed in, and loved….and tomorrow, I am resigning. It’s time, and I’m proud to know that this great thing will continue along successfully without me. I’m feeling a little bit like a proud Momma who knows that it’s time to allow her beloved child to find his own way in the world, a way that will be filled with even bigger and better things. The program (my program!) will succeed without me, of that I’m sure, and I am very proud.
I’ll back up a little bit here. On Valentines weekend, T and I went away for a short trip. We had stopped for lunch, and I went to use the restroom. When I returned, T told me that I’d had a call while I was gone. I asked him if he’d answered it, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t recognized the number which was out of our area code. We sat there and speculated for a few moments. Strange that I didn’t just listen to the voicemail right away. When I did finally listen, I was in shock. It was a recruiter calling me about a position that she had been hired to fill. She said that from what she heard from colleagues, I would be a perfect fit for this position. What???? I hadn’t applied for any new jobs. I wasn’t looking to make a change. T and I ate our lunch and idly discussed the voicemail.
Hours later, I decided to return the call “just to see what it was all about.” Immediately, I was intrigued. The position would be a challenge. The pay was amazing. The location, however, left a bit to be desired. Still, I agreed to throw my hat in the ring. When we returned home, I sent a copy of my resume and professional biography. The months that followed were filled with visits, interviews, more visits, another interview, and finally, an offer and negotiations.
In three weeks, I will be leaving this place I call home. I’ll be moving BY MYSELF to a hotel room over two hours from my home and my family. I won’t know anyone. I’ve never lived alone. I’m excited as hell! For the first time EVER I am going to stand on my own two feet.
T is staying here. We have two houses to sell. He has a JOB of his own. The girls have to finish out the school year. Maybe they will join me then? Nothing is settled, and no one seems to be in a hurry to settle anything. I love it! I can’t wait to take my first tentative steps on this new path.