Randomly Posting

I haven’t written anything in three months.  In fact, I haven’t read anything….AT ALL.  Nothing.  Beyond street signs, I’ve been outside of the world of words.  I made my blog private, not because I had anything to hide, but because I needed to hide from myself.  I was hiding from the self that was introspective, analyzing, thinking, and remembering.  I wanted to see only the truth, and I wanted to concentrate on real things, the things that were/are right in front of me.  Writing was/is an escape.   Writing allowed me to slip away from reality into a world of introspection.  Self-pity?  Yeah, my writing often allowed me to wallow in everything that was wrong while I ignored the many things that were right.

As I sit down tonight to begin writing once again, I am amazed by the changes that have occurred these past three months.  While tonight I sit in my same comfortable spot on the couch, everything around me is about to change.  HUGE, GIANT changes are just around the corner.  I am scared, and at the same time, I am straining and impatient for these changes to begin.  Tomorrow I am resigning from my job, a position that I have fought for, believed in, and loved….and tomorrow, I am resigning.  It’s time, and I’m proud to know that this great thing will continue along successfully without me.  I’m feeling a little bit like a proud Momma who knows that it’s time to allow her beloved child to find his own way in the world, a way that will be filled with even bigger and better things.  The program (my program!) will succeed without me, of that I’m sure, and I am very proud.

I’ll back up a little bit here.  On Valentines weekend, T and I went away for a short trip.  We had stopped for lunch, and I went to use the restroom.  When I returned, T told me that I’d had a call while I was gone.  I asked him if he’d answered it, but he hadn’t.  He hadn’t recognized the number which was out of our area code.  We sat there and speculated for a few moments.  Strange that I didn’t just listen to the voicemail right away.  When I did finally listen, I was in shock.  It was a recruiter calling me about a position that she had been hired to fill.  She said that from what she heard from colleagues, I would be a perfect fit for this position.  What????  I hadn’t applied for any new jobs.  I wasn’t looking to make a change.  T and I ate our lunch and idly discussed the voicemail.

Hours later, I decided to return the call “just to see what it was all about.”  Immediately, I was intrigued.  The position would be a challenge.  The pay was amazing.  The location, however, left a bit to be desired.  Still, I agreed to throw my hat in the ring.  When we returned home, I sent a copy of my resume and professional biography.  The months that followed were filled with visits, interviews, more visits, another interview, and finally, an offer and negotiations.

In three weeks, I will be leaving this place I call home.  I’ll be moving BY MYSELF to a hotel room over two hours from my home and my family.  I won’t know anyone.  I’ve never lived alone.  I’m excited as hell!  For the first time EVER I am going to stand on my own two feet.

T is staying here.  We have two houses to sell.  He has a JOB of his own.  The girls have to finish out the school year.  Maybe they will join me then?  Nothing is settled, and no one seems to be in a hurry to settle anything.  I love it!  I can’t wait to take my first tentative steps on this new path.

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